Getting uncomfortable in the "goo"

I don't like being uncomfortable. I know. Understatement, who wouldn't agree. Many of us who come from the privilege of being housed, clothed, fed are used to having our needs met and then some. We're used to all the subscription services, many without commercials. We're used to buying what we need right away from Amazon or running out to get it from a nearby store. We're used to being able to change the circumstances when we aren't comfortable. Which can make use complacent in the status quo.

You see, healing requires us to be uncomfortable. Healing ourselves means we have to grow, learn, and change in different ways. Healing our families means that our roles may change, patterns will fight to remain, and we'll have to feel uncertain. Healing our society means that we'll have to dismantle oppressive systems like colonialism, christian nationalism, and capitalism, which will be un-fucking-comfortable, because some of us benefit from these system on many levels, even as they oppress us.

Growth is uncomfortable.

I love the imagery and metaphor of a caterpillar turning into goo in its chrysalis before fighting to emerge as a butterfly. Its a neat little metaphor about the messy middle of the healing journey. But we're not considering the pain of your whole body melting into goo! Except maybe your head, I'm not a caterpillar or butterfly expert. I do know that if that little insect could talk to us, it would likely say it isn't a chill, nice time in there.

Everything about your identity disappears, you no longer have a bunch of legs, aren't munching on your favorite leaf, can't enjoy the natural world you have been a part of. Everything changes, its an uncertain time. Are they patient? Does natural instinct tell them that they will be ok, even better, that they will be flying through the skies as light as a feather? Or do they think they are dying, life is over?

Everything changed.

And then, once they have metamorphosed into a winged creature, they have to fight their way out. More struggle. Congrats, you survived the goo part. Now you have to build up your strength to fly by fighting your way out of this hard casing. None of that sounds comfortable. And none of it is promised! They may not make it to "goo" phase, may died in the chrysalis, or may get eaten by a bird upon their first flight.

Growth is uncomfortable.

I'm using healing and growth interchangeably because, in my experience, they can be. Healing unhealthy patterns and systems leads to growth. Personal or system growth leads to the desire to heal unhealthy patterns and oppressive systems.

My nervous system tells me that being uncomfortable is threatening. A testament to the privilege I have experienced growing up as a christian white woman in America. That is where my healing and growth are focused right now, learning that some stress and un-comfortability is necessary, no matter how much my nervous system says otherwise. I am learning how to feel my feelings in the goo stage, that taking the next right steps doesn't always feel "right" because my nervous system confuses right with comfortable. THOSE are not interchangeable.

Nothing is promised on the other side. But I believe in healing and growth, I believe it can be better. I believe we all can radically accept when healing and growth are uncomfortable, painful even. I'm going to fight for it because we deserve to love ourselves, our communities enough to get better at being uncomfortable for the sake of growth and healing.  

I believe I can get better at being uncomfortable and uncertain.

Whose with me in the "goo" phase?