A Lesson from Project Hail Mary

This post contains spoilers, so if you haven't watch Project Hail Mary (PHM), you may not want to continue reading!

For those of you who have watched this lovely film, read the book, or don't mind spoilers...thanks for reading!

First of all, this movie is delightful. I look forward to reading the book. But this post isn't about PHM entirely, its about being dragged into some of the most powerful experiences of life.

In the movie, Ryan Gosling's character, Ryland Grace, is recruited from teaching middle school to help hopefully save the world. His character is charming, funny, clearly beyond smart, and also kinda stuck. Project leader Eva Stratt states "he doesn't even have a dog." Grace becomes a devoted scientist on the space project, safely keeping both feet on the ground while making incredible discoveries,

We find this out through flashbacks, as the story is centered on Grace in space. In space, alone on the craft because all the other humans have died. Grace encounters an alien, who he nicknames Rocky. Rocky is also alone, having watched all his other teammates die. Grace and Rocky determine they mush work together to save their respective worlds.

Just as Grace is about to enter Rocky's ship for the first time, we find out in a flashback how Grace came to be in space, this middle school scientist who wasn't supposed to be there. In the flashback we learn that the scientists who had trained to fly all died just before they were to leave in an accident. Grace was basically ordered to go in their stead since he knew the science and they were running out of time. Unlike many heroes in our save-the-world stories, Grace thought about it and said no. He said he was too afraid, that he would rather go back to teaching middle school in the 30 years earth had left than leave for possibly saving the world and certain death in space. (They would not have enough fuel to return and would be sending their info back via pod) Grace wanted to stay safe on earth, even though it was the only chance to save the world.

Project leader Stratt calls in backup and its clear they are going to drug Grace, who tries to run. He doesn't get away, they put him in a coma and send him to space.

THEY PUT HIM IN A COMA AND SEND HIM TO SPACE Just let that idea sink in. This scene puts into perspective the opening sequences when Grace's character seems to be wandering around the ship a lost, angry, and sad. Of course he is.

Cut back to Grace stepping on to Rocky's ship. The awe and wander of exploring an alien spaceship that no other human may ever experience. Grace and Rocky's special friendship blossoms as the do indeed save the world as well as each other, several times! Grace finds a meaningful relationship that gives him "someone to be brave for."

Grace's storyline parallels so distinctly with how some of us view change. We would rather stay stuck in what we know, the sameness and safeness of what we have, even if it has an expiration date or is harmful. Resmaa Menakem talks about this phenomenon in his trauma healing book My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies, calling it dirty pain vs. clean pain. Menakem states: “Dirty pain is the pain of avoidance, blame, and denial” (Menakem, p. 20). It leads to cruelty, violence, or dissociation, creating more pain for self and others. Clean pain “hurts like hell” but “mends and can build your capacity for growth” (Menakem, pp. 19, 20). It is based in courage to feel or to do something with vulnerability.

Sometimes we get forced into a circumstance through traumatic events, someone in our lives' experiences, or another out-of-control disorienting dilemma that leaves us with no choice but to change. It may be a break-up, a death, a job loss, a move, or a presidential election. Hopefully not a coma that puts you into space, but maybe! We get forced to experience change and we have an opportunity to decide what we do with that experience. Will we do the clean pain of learning and growing for ourselves, along with those we love? Or will we try to stay stuck in the dirty pain of the familiar and miss the possibility?

That doesn't mean that you won't have tremendous uncomfortable feelings or struggles throughout these experiences, of course you will. Hence using the word "pain." But my hope for you, and for all of us, is that we get to experience something incredible when we've done the hard work of getting through the messy middle of our clean pain. Whatever your version of saving the world, making best friends with a cool alien, and getting to explore places no other human may ever explore, that is my wish for you. Step up to your clean pain, I promise it will be worth the work.

This was not a paid advertisement for Project Hail Mary or any of its affiliates, but I do recommend the movie and book!