Feeling past-election grief, with a glimmer of hope

Brindle dog sitting in the sun, in the grass.

This past Tuesday was the midterms election here in the US. My nervous system, body, and mind were clearly remembering the election the decade before when I was so hopeful that Hillary Clinton would be our first woman president, following our first Black president's footsteps. The Obama years had been great for me from a learning perspective, but I was about to get a real, eye-opening lesson in who America really was...and still is.

The sweet doggo above, Chance, and I went for a walk right after I voted that morning. I remember the spring in my step, the hope on the crisp fall day. I was looking forward to wearing my pantsuit to the watch party that evening after classes. The watch party turned somber, sad, and despairing by about 10pm. We couldn't believe what was happening. I went to bed full of dread and woke up in a depth of sadness. Walking slowly to class that Wednesday morning, I met up with other family therapy students. The sadness, the heartbreak was palpable. We had a deep foreboding sorrow about what Trump winning the presidency would mean. Our class broke into groups to hold space for grief, to talk about our fears, to process what was happening. Holding space and grieving was very important that morning...and then the deep learning began.

One of the most significant memories I have of that morning is how the students who identified as people of color were not surprised, they were not shocked. They were matter of fact and actually being kind to those of us white folx who were just waking up to the reality of deep racism and misogyny in the US. That impacted my desire to understand almost as much as Clinton's loss. My before Nov 2016 Self felt so naive, so ignorant (in the actual definition of the word). Now I have self-compassion for her, she was a product of her family of origin, the culture she was brought up in, and had not purposely began much work to undo that learning.

In the time since that experience, I have protested immigrants rights, voting rights, against ICE, for housing, and just about any protest in my city. I have joined a co-op, I have learned more about the unhoused population and capitalism. I have learned more about the environment and the ways we have perpetuated harm against nature in the same way we have perpetuated harm against groups of people. I have deconstructed my own high-control religious upbringing, understanding more about how religion is a tool used by capitalism and colonization. My sweet boy Chance has crossed the rainbow bridge and I have experienced a different kind of grief with another pet loss.

I have many many more things to learn about capitalism, colonization, and patriarchy. We have so much more work to do in this country and in the world. Today, there is a glimmer of hope trying to fight its way through cynicism and grief. A blue wave. I hope that we can continue to do that work WHILE moving to hold people accountable for the ways they have ignored our constitution and have actively harmed other humans and our world across the globe, but especially here in the US. We cannot assume any politician will save us, we have to work together, building community to save each other on a grassroots level.

Message to myself: Celebrate today. Remember our grief and what we have learned. Keep doing the work tomorrow.