Boundaries by Buckshot

One buckskin horse and one dun horse face each other over a gate.

In this picture, it doesn't look like much is happening. Two handsome horses, standing across a gate in the morning sun. The story behind this picture is one of youngsters making mistakes, bonds forming over short hours but important choices, and the education that one being gives to another. And my perhaps biggest take away: the importance of boundaries.

June 2025, I was privileged to participate in a clinic with Elsa Sinclair of Taming Wild and Freedom Based Training fame. Elsa is a wonderful teacher and I have been lucky to learn from her the past 4 years, with Buckshot, the darker fella above, as my partner. Buckshot is a Quarter horse, in his 20s now, bred and trained out west. He has been a trail horse many years and in the most recent times, my partner with Elsa and just hanging out in his herd of fellow older geldings. He is such a sweet, kind soul, I thought he would be an excellent leader for my little 3 year old Quarter horse cross, Charm. And I was right...but in a very different way.

It seems that Buckshot and I have a stronger bond than I expected. In a total of 25-30 hours over 4ish years, he is connected with me in a way I haven't felt with another horse. We just hang out, him teaching me how to be less impatient, less "wild" and motivated by agenda. I haven't asked anything of him besides to be a companion. Our time together is clearly meaningful for both of us building deep connection.

He took his role of protector and teacher very seriously. Charm showed up as his little mischievous self, biting Buckshot on the ribs, and promptly got told off in the biggest, most powerful way. Multiple times. By specifically Buckshot, but eventually the other two geldings as well. Charm ran and ran, clearly panicked. He kept making "bad choices" and didn't know the right answer. As his human, and with the help of my human friends, we managed the situation in the best ways we could to continue his education while keeping everyone safe. He and Buckshot spent exactly one afternoon then an overnight with just the two of them. By the morning, Buckshot could flick an ear or give a look to Charm to convey his message.

Calm down, fix your feelings, be aware, be curious not concerned.

We watched Charm go from racing around to an easy trot or walk with Buckshot's gentle command. He went from pushy "teenage boy" to learning, watching, and trying. He never stopped wanting to be with Buckshot and later the herd, even though he was across an electric fence for everyone's safety. The 6 days we spent at Frog Pond Farm were a learning event for both of us.

Through his education of Charm, I learned that having VERY STRONG boundaries doesn't mean that Charm is going to stop wanting to be in relationship. Being bitten and chased didn't change his desire to be around Buckshot. But it did set the stage for how Buckshot would ALLOW Charm to be around him. Buckshot wanted Charm to mind his energy, to learn how to regulate his emotions and not ask others to do so. He wanted Charm to figure out how to be more adult and less teenage boy. Buckshot knew that I would likely get hurt unless Charm learned how to behave around a "fragile" human. Buckshot must have had a good teacher to learn this lesson so firmly.

Charm figured it out. Even more importantly, Buckshot clearly wanted me to have stronger boundaries with Charm. For me to see that I could say, no not like that, and not damage our relationship but make it stronger. Buckshot showed me what I hope to embody and empower in my clients: Here is how you can treat me and act around me. If you can't, then the consequences will be my own removal from the situation or my compassionate sometimes fierce response.

Buckshot, thank you for your protection and care. I hope to continue to make you proud.