When I opened my practice, I had a client's dad ask me about being sex positive with kids, what that might mean. Which was a great question and good idea! A strange woman meeting with our kiddo, what does she mean by "sex positive" and being allied with LGBTQIA and Kink/Sex Worker communities?
What it means is simple: I believe ever body should be given the chance to have a healthy relationship with sex, desire, and eroticism in an ethical way. Simple statement for a complex subject, especially in a society where the christian right has made sure abstinence only education is embedded in our school systems.
The puritanical no-sex-before-(hetero-normative)-marriage crowd have had such deep influence on our relationships to our bodies, our innate pleasure, and our ability to have good sexual connection with self and partner(s). We have deep shame, guilt, roadblocks, and breaks around being able to experience pleasure and being connected to our own bodies. As someone who was raised in purity culture, this has become an important part of my personal healing journey and a subject I have found important to dive into, whether meeting with clients one-on-one, as a couple, or with parents regarding how they are talking to their pre-teen about sex, bodies, etc.
While I am not a certified sex therapist, I have educated myself through certification courses and wonderful resources for all ages. I am always on the lookout for another helpful resource whether it is a graphic novel for teens, a Netflix series focused on women's pleasure, or book for couples. I also love when clients bring me a resource!
Our bodies are not just the vehicle we navigate life in, but an important part of "self" that we are in relationship our whole life. It is inevitable that we will feel physical pain, why should we run away from physical pleasure?
A few resources:
Wait, What? graphic novel for teens
Emily Nagoski author of Come As You Are and Come Together, sex researcher
Principles of Pleasure Netflix docuseries
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