Self-Trust

Maeve

Why is self-trust important? What is self-trust?

Many clients come to me expressing a desire to be more confident, to increase their self-worth, to be more compassionate to themselves, to understand themselves more clearly. All of these goals are wonderful and make our lives as well as relationships more fulfilling. I believe the basis for all of these goals is built on the idea of self-trust.

As a verb, the Oxford Dictionary describes trust as "believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of." As a noun, it describes a "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something." In its noun or verb form, trust is a foundation of any relationship, most especially our relationship to ourselves.

When we trust ourselves, we know we can make good decisions, we can rely on ourselves and our community, we are mentally stronger and more capable. Those people are not easy to convince of others ideas, do not yield their power easily, do not buy needless things, or support policies that harm other people or the environment. Our capitalist, christian nationalist, colonialist nation erodes self-trust and by that, the wisdom of our bodies, our confidence, our self-worth, our compassion to self (and others) because people who believe in themselves, trust themselves, are compassionate to others, and have confidence are harder to control. On a more personal level, trauma, big "T" or little t, and family of origin culture will also erode self-trust. When self-trust has been challenged through trauma, intergenerational or otherwise, we are too scared to believe we are trustworthy, we weren't able to protect ourselves or made a choice that may have led to us being harmed.

Thats why I included a picture of dear Maeve. Our sweet, lovable pit bull mix struggles with trust. When I met her at the shelter, she immediately trusted me, loved and trusted her soon-to-be big brother Nugget, and trusted the rest of our family. But that is where the trust ended. She can be reactive and scared in the car, she is reactive and scared on walks, she is especially reactive toward men in work boots that come to our house. She doesn't trust herself to be safe if she remains calm, she doesn't trust us to be able to protect her. Her therapy has included classes for dogs who are reactive, almost a year of "play-care" at Manner's Matter Training and Daycare, and good ol' immersive experiences with lots of support from her family. She is learning to trust herself and us, but just like with us humans, it takes time and intentionality.

How do we humans build self-trust? With that same time and intentionality. For myself, my journey has included: trauma healing therapy; deconstructing of my evangelical christian upbringing; reading and integrating books, trainings, and podcasts on self-compassion, body wisdom, and others that are helpful to my journey; connecting to my innate wisdom of body, mind, and spirit; unpacking my privilege; finding community and chosen family who love me for who I am; and continuing to live into the values that are important to me.

What will your journey of self-trust look like?